Neeraja B - Through The Lens of IFFK

Through the Lens of IFFK

Rush, long queues, running between theatres, discussions, opinions, emotions, applause, recognition and at last the much awaited “Suvarna Chakoram” ……Yes, Yet another IFFK bids adieu…For those in the capital city and for those movies are life, the one week extravagant film festival means a lot, a lot beyond the rush and hush for a commercial hit and a lot beyond what is movie for a lay man. Like any other year, this time too IFFK staged varied performers, it became the platform for hard core discussion on movies, it became a forum for cultural and ideological give and take, and an inspiration for those who just stepped in into the mesmerizing world of cinema. For the pioneers , it meant getting wonder struck by the impeccable works of the great maestros ( retrospective ), deriving confidence and also elevating themselves to the standards of world class movies. For the youth, it was celebration but for the uninteresting “budhijeevis” (as we dearly call them ), it was reverberation of the nuanced philosophy of human life and of rebirth of “romanticism”. For film lovers it was plethora of colors unveiling and for critics it was painting their figures in a wider canvas. For the skippers of the movies it meant struggling and fasting for their movies, sharing their ideas, sharing their concerns, and feeling the content of applause. And for yet another ilk it had much of a “social” coloring. It was where they discussed contentious issues – moral policing, attitude towards and portrayal of sex , which have caused an eye brow raise among the hind runners of the so called “civilization and morality” . What so ever, it could hardly be possible to be not part of it, for the media were at no dearth for news to fill in; thanks to the organizers.

But beyond all these experiences, what IFFK or any other International Film Festival offers for the film world and the society at large would be an interesting preposition to think about. In that regard, IFFK has offered much to Malayalam Cinema. One repeated theme that was over heard through out the festival is the plight of Malayalam movies. The muddle around “Aadhimadhyandham” and the disappointments regarding the poor theater facilities itself are shadows of a looming crisis. It was for the first time that the festival is not hosting a Malayalam movie in the competition category. But,at the same time the recognition “Aadaminte makan Abu” won and the applause for movies like “traffic” shows the changing course of our movie world. The move to market Malayalam movies also offers hope. The Indian movies like “Aadukalam”, “Delhi in a day”,”I want to be a mother” etc helped appease the complaint on Indian movies not striking world standards. Yet, the reality remains bitter. We still have a lot of work in hand.
The stark contrast between the colorful and the colorless world is something one could experience only at such an arena. It is from such an intellectual turf that some of the most brilliant movies were born. Who doesn’t know how many great film makers IFFK might give birth to??
In yet another level and most importantly the global platform it offers is worth the pains taking effort behind the screens. To see our movies from an outsider’s shoe and to look for out of the box solutions is possible nowhere else. When we get to know the culture of various nations, it is not just that they often become an eye opener for innovative film making but also it reminds us that there are shared concerns and shared crisis which blurs global boundaries and we need to look at them from a collective perspective. It’s not just a place for the film makers but for all of us to look at the world. Screening of movies on the Arab spring, surrogacy and many such issues in the political and social fore became true depiction of this.
Festivals are places where not only new ideas come in but also where ideas are shaped. It’s where culture moves forward, it’s where we see the efforts to bridge cultural lag taking place. Morality, Sex, Art, Civilization, Values, Artistic privacy – everything of the kind is discussed both openly and subtly.
It’s also a place of remembrance and homage when you go back to the works of our great masters all over the world who helped this industry grow and be by itself a form of art that is so dear to our hearts. And by and large it’s a place where film makers grow, through the recognition they get, through the applause they receive and at times through the struggles they cope up with while at the festival.
Festivals help you appreciate life and at the same time remind us many things- they show what we haven’t seen, they show what we have forgotten to see, and they show what we ought to see.
So if you think that you are too much for this world or feel your’s is too paltry a life, its of no loss that you spend some 400 bucks for your delegate pass.

Meera Nazer - Higher Education Globalised

This institution has faced a sea of snag globally. Especially with focus to this infant democracy,

driven by factionalism whose caste and religious divisions seemed to be written in stone. The

expression “education” or Vidya was something reserved for the upper caste social elite then.

Globally this establishment found place especially higher education when the first university was set up in Germany (Philip G. Altbach 2009) which redesigned its intact nature.

The concept of education was later, as the nation won independence, seen as an important

development marker especially with regard to our target of being a developed economy by 2020. World over once said that our nation’s ordeal with democracy was going to be carved in history’s strongest voice as a humungous failure because around 80% of the population was illiterate.

Then we moved on to the focus on “literacy” from which we haven’t diverted yet as the implementing authority i.e. Parliament which is considered as the agent of destiny by the “aam admi” had various vested destinies. Literacy is to do with reading and writing and basic math. Education is to do with thinking and awareness. And Thinking and Awareness is what we as a fully functioning democracy aspires to.

This is true as we examine a part of the picture, as we examine the other part we discover the excellence of middleclass and aristocratic youth in the higher education sector. This is partly or wholly attributed to the notion of “globalization” which spread its mighty wings and cast a shadow upon education too. With this came the student exchange programs, overseas branch set up of renowned academia and engagement of inter institutional partnerships. For many this influence seemed overwhelmingly satisfactory as it catered to their aspirations of an internationally accredited degree. It blessed them with an opportunity to study and research no longer limited by nation’s boundaries. But there were many too who felt this as an assault on national culture and autonomy.

However beating all this higher education sector is on a growth spree wherein significance is provided to the wealth of nations and universities which directly determines the quality and centrality of a university /academic institution. It fuelled competition which at times even resulted in a sense of decline of academic community mission and traditional values. Higher education exercises a dominant role especially due to the shift to post industrial economies worldwide after the cold war era. But it’s tainted again with the social inequality in access it faces.

Higher education is actually fraught with the problem of accommodating the millions who are knocking their door and denied access to. As a result many private institutions have set up their branches wide across the nation and are providing the students with a namesake certificate. Mainly because they are profit driven and not committed to the field. With the public funding being no more in a position to take-up the challenging task of expansion and diversification of the higher education system in the country to meet the continuously growing demands at present, there is little option other than bringing in private initiatives in a massive way to meet the various challenges. The deregulating mechanism of controls started with the granting of “Autonomous Status” to identified Colleges in the 1970s. Some of these Colleges have graduated further to receive the “Deemed to be University” status in later years. Now, the country is on the threshold of the establishment of Private Universities in different States. To add fuel to this dangerous situation it’s again the play of globalization which demands talent, competence, drive, initiative and innovation at several levels. So the populations being exposed to these flee in bee numbers to wherever they can earn a paper showing they are competent.

A paradigm shift has been noticed in higher education now a days, from ‘national education‘to ‘global education’, from ‘one time education for a few’ to ‘lifelong education for all’, from ‘teacher- centric education’ to ‘learner centric education’. The Indian higher education system therefore has a new role and a challenge to provide to the nation and the world at large, skilled human power at all levels, having breadth of knowledge and confidence to effectively confront the social and economic realities.

But this is again met with rising costs involved as with regard to materials or tuition fee. Another major drawback is the lack of full time teachers which results in lower academic records and skill development among candidates.

All we can expect is a better shift of government’s attention towards this development marker to expect a better turn in our nation’s efficient functioning.

Ramon Dharma Rajan - I burnt Myself

I burnt Myself

A cool night, when the full moon and sparkling stars can be described as the magical, mystical, beautiful honey and nothing else, only I knew that it was not honey - the stars where angry honey bees. I had lost it all, my fame, my glory, my happiness, my family, my love; it was all snatched away from me, by greed and selfishness. The warrior who lost his kingdom was lying on the terrace of his house, staring at the honey sky, stung by the honey bees of guilt... correction, I wasn't the warrior who lost everything, I was the traitor who betrayed everything. "It was a waste my friend. You are the screwed Scrooge, except this is no dream. You are the reality that Scrooge was afraid of, that the future ghost showed him", my best adviser, my most loyal servant, my cruel conscience whispered in my heart. "But you can change it. Do you know what really matters? What you care for the most in this world? The most valuable, the most precious... what ought to be protected with everything you have. Do you know what it is? Do you know how you can achieve it?" I knew all the answers. Mountains of gold, hectares of land, tons of cash and everything a princess deserved, my daughter will get. The will was signed and locked in my safe, and I was staring at the moon which questioned my very existence. "Alright moon, I am coming. All my life I have sinned, and did nothing to mend it. But now I want to get things fixed, and I will", with that victorious smile I walked, happily, towards the edge of my terrace and continued walking. I did not stretch my arm or scream for help, because I was proud - I had fixed everything, now they will be proud of me. A soft breeze took my to the shining moon, the honey bees had disappeared; there was only honey left now, magical, mystical, beautiful honey and nothing else.

Follow Ramon at http://positiveram.blogspot.com/

Thank You

Slow and Steady wins the race

I used to think that this quote would be relevant only in two situations

1. When you are 5 and are very slow

2. Hopefully in case of that tortoise which won the race

Well, as far as this blogs goes, we have a very slow start and this fills me with optimism and hope. I stare into that prosperous future that we all dream of and see it fast approaching.

And the best part of this effort is that we are working as a team. So over here I want to express my sincere and heartfelt gratitude to all those who are following this blog and are supporting it with beautiful (really really beautiful) pieces of writing. Here, I request All the readers to support, encourage and criticize those writing in our blog and give them incentives by following their blogs.

As an expression of my infinite gratitude, I am providing the blogs of all our creative writers

Atul Rajan - http://atulrajan9.blogspot.com/

Jeeva George - http://elaaan.blogspot.com/

Krish HM - http://candidkrish.blogspot.com/

Keep it coming guys!! Love you all!

Atul Rajan - Estranged

Estranged

Quite honestly, there's nothing in this world that takes me deep down memory lane than the cold November rain. I look back in time, and realize that November has always been the one month I've looked forward to. I can give innumerable reasons for that, one of them being the fact that I was born in November. Instead of telling you all about the reasons, I want you to know how significant this particular month is, in my rather uneventful and dissatisfying life.

November is not just a month. She's a young lady - filled with eternal beauty and grace. Her smile is poetry in motion, more beautiful than the most beautiful dream. She smiles, in spite of being in pain, she'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. She ponders, finds it hard to speak. Even the crudest words that escape her lips hold great meaning - you tend to learn it the hard way. She suffers in silence, with a smile that adds divine charm to her face and never complains. And ultimately, like everything in this cruel, unreal world, breaks down and cries. Her tears fall heavy onto the earth, yet makes spectacular gardens out of wastelands. Her tears make you stop and stare, not at her, but at your own reflection, your shadows. Her tears don't bring about total inactivity, like you think. They just make you introspect in silence, dampen your threatening pace. Then, she bids you farewell.

She has taught me quite a lot, lot more than I learned from the learnt. She defined life to me. She taught me to let go, to understand. She stood by me, holding my hand, through the darkest of my days. She wipes my tears, and cries herself, out of love for me. She taught me to find the great divide between right and wrong, heartfelt affection and bodily attraction. By the time she leaves, every year, she makes a stronger and more mature a man out of me. She comes, once in a year, stays for thirty days and leaves, taking away all the pain I went through in her absence.

November is beautiful, and I love her. But I wouldn't be lying when I tell you that there's someone in my life more beautiful, way more caring and affectionate, someone I love more than words in any language can ever express - my best friend, Varsha. She's one of those very few people I'm sure would never leave me, no matter what. For me, she's nothing less than an angel sent from the heavens above. Whenever I'm lost and alone in the dark, she points towards light. Whenever I end up hurting myself, she scolds me and heals my wounds. Whenever life takes me down. she's there to make sure that I'm back on my feet. Whenever I feel weak, I look at her and am convinced that I'll be blessed with love, all my life. If there's anyone in this world who understands and respects my feelings, she's the one. November sure did teach me what real love is, but it's only because of Varsha that I've been fortunate enough to have loved someone with all my heart and soul. She made me give myself a second chance.

I still clearly remember the November of '10, which probably had been one of the worst times of my life. I was dissatisfied, with life and with everything that I was. I felt lost, I was disillusioned with life. I came to the conclusion that the one I had really strong feelings for, the one I had been liking for more than two years could never be mine. I kept my feelings latent for a really long time. I just couldn't muster the courage to say it to her. But when I finally did, it was a little too late - she had just got into a relationship with a close friend of her's. I was pretty serious about her, and this totally tore me down. That November, I stood alone in the unlit balcony of my apartment, deafened by the sound of the rain beating onto the ground. As I leaned over the parapet, I felt the raindrops against my face. I closed my eyes, and I heard November talk. She made me understand that I probably was a little too young to love. She told me what real love feels like. And with great difficulty, she tried to make me realize that what I felt for that girl was nothing but plain infatuation. I don't know why, but I really couldn't take it that way back then. What hurt more than a broken heart is the fact that if I had shown the courage to tell her earlier on, who knows, probably she'd be with me today. More than hurt, I was filled with shame and regret. For reasons unknown, I couldn't say this to November. I silently listened to whatever she told me, and pretended to be fine. But I didn't have to say anything to Varsha. She read my mind, saw the pain behind every smile I faked. She comforted me with utmost patience and unfailing love. She made me look towards the brighter side, she made me realize that I could do a lot more that just be depressed. I'd have never made my way out of the dark without her, I wouldn't even be alive today if it weren't for her.

I sure did move on, but that point onwards I expected to be deprived of true love. Something inside me made me feel that I didn't deserve it. There was this great void in my heart, which made me numb at times. Sometimes the resentment took me deep down into depression. But I always happened to find my way out of all this. Varsha never gave up on me.

Time dragged on, things kept me busy. A lot of things changed. I started working seriously on my stories. I got obsessed with my boyhood dream of being a novelist, and I worked really hard to get started. I did meet a lot of people,especially girls. But I never felt comfortable with any girl, and no girl felt comfortable with me, probably because I don't talk much. Now, this mutual feeling of discomfort further discouraged me to socialize. I was surprised to find immense joy in working in solitude. Nothing except work seemed to catch my attention, and my mind worked right only when I was working. Being a workaholic was never my thing before.

Deep down inside, I still hadn't come to terms with true happiness. A part of me was still stuck in the past, and it kept telling me that I'd be devoid of true love as long as I live. Now, I wonder what made me so sure of my future. God did have other plans for me, and I really wish I knew earlier.

That cold Christmas night, I met an angel, my angel. Reality and dreams merged when I first saw her smile. Now, I really don't think it was love at first sight. but something inside me kept saying that my life would never be the same again. True that, it never was the same again.

I remember the first time we talked, rather chatted online. It was at about 8 pm on Christmas night. I saw her online on Facebook chat and felt like initiating the conversation, which I did.

Me: Hey, what's up?

She: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Now, that was a bit of a shocker. I didn't expect her to be a retarded teenage girl who still felt the need to play with Barbies. Dumbstruck, I wrote back again about two minutes later.

Me: 11th grader?

She: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I arrived at the conclusion that my doubts had indeed turned out to be true. I abhored those kind of girls, probably since birth. I felt really stupid, and didn't write back. She went offline a couple of minutes later, and I too got busy with my work.

Later that night when I logged back on, a part of me wanted to check out her Facebook profile, while the other part wanted me to talk properly to my cousin, who I hadn't talked to for a long time. I heeded the former part, and I don't know why. I went on to go through her recent wall posts, activity, photos and notes. I was taken aback, especially when I read her notes and some of her status updates. She didn't sound like the girls who played with Barbies from any angle. Infact, I was really convinced that no girl even twice her age could be even half as mature as she was. She thought really deep, and quite unlike the rest of the world, wasn't ashamed a bit to admit her faults and mistakes. She loved life, and almost everything under the sun. She's the prettiest girl I've ever seen, I swear. But the beauty of her heart far outweighed the beauty of her face. Her smile was like sunshine in the coldest winter, her eyes, like the brightest stars in the darkest sky. I didn't love her yet, but my heart always skipped a beat everytime I looked at her. Back then, I really wish I knew why.

The next day, at about 7 in the evening, I happened to see her online. Almost instantly, I wrote to her, telling her that the notes she put up on Facebook were amazing. We started talking properly then, and I was really happy to find that she didn't sound retarded anymore. She apologized for whatever happened the previous night, and said that she did it because she wasnted to piss me off so that I'd never want to talk to her. Weird, I thought. We went on to talk for hours and hours, with both of us not realizing it. We talked about our love lives, both of them being epic failures, we talked about ourselves, we talked about life, and about people. We became really good friends by the time we finished. In three days, we became became best friends, in five, really very close, special, inseperable best friends and in eight days, I realized that I was in love with her.

Now, arriving at this conclusion wasn't easy in any way. I though about it a lot, thought deep because I wasn't a really big fan of infatuation anymore. To be honest, I had a feeling that I was falling for her on the fourth or fifth day itself, but I took some time to think about it and be sure if my feelings for her. Quite unlike you think, the thinking process was so deep and intense, that it nearly drained me out. I began thinking of my past encounter with infatuation, which I mistook for love. I thought about how I once felt for her. I thought about everything that life had given me, every single mistake that life made me commit. Then, I thought about my angel who, in just the eight days that I had known her, turned my life around. She broke the walls that I built around myself, walls that cut me off from everything in this world. She held my arms and opened my eyes, something I always feared to do. I refused to trust, to believe earlier on in life. I didn’t know how to love. I didn’t live life like I was supposed to. I was unforgiving. She changed all that forever. She made a human being out of the broken heart that I was. I loved her, not just for having changed me. I loved her for her imperfections; I loved her for the things that people disliked about her. I know I sound stupid but whatever I say is true. But one question that arose in my mind drove me insane: Do I deserve her?

I was happy, worried and confused at the same time. Happy because if her presence in my life, worried because I didn't know what to do, confused because I felt she was too good to be with a person like me. I found myself in front of a mirror, rather tired and worn out and tired. I stared intently at my reflection, and made a promise to myself. I swore that I wouldn't leave anything unsaid, I swore I'd do anything to see her happy, even if that means sacrificing my feelings for her, if that's how she'd want things to be. Real love, it stands for something far too great. It isn't about living with the one you love, it's more about living for, living because of the one you love. I loved her, but I didn't expect love in return. It didn't matter if she doesn't feel the same way for me.

On the 5th of January, as she was telling me how hot her friend, Daniel was, I finally blurted out. And she couldn't believe me. She thought I was playing around. Little did she know that I'd never been this serios about anything all my life. I took an unbelievable lot of mental strain trying to convince her that it wasn't just a random feeling, like she thought it was. Instead of maintaining a meaningful silence, which I always tend to do, I argued with her. I let her know that all the good things I had in life at that point, all the happinessm that feeling of total satisfaction was only because of her. I told her that I got back all the things I lost in life, only because of her. I told her that I knew I didn't deserve her a bit, I knew I wasn't even close to being the right guy for her, yet I loved her, and didn't expect to be loved at all. Fine, I admit. The last part was a lie. I really wanted all her love and affection. She still didn't seem very convinced. She told me that I deserve a better girl than her. That really angered me, because as far as I was concerned, no girl could ever be better than her. After arguing for an hour or so, she finally said this:

Akeel said he wouldn't leave me for the world. He did, in three months. If you love me like you love me now, for the coming ninety days, I'll do anything to get married to you.

That sure did sound weird, but I already won the battle. "Three months?", I asked, and said, "I can wait for you even for three lifetimes".

Time flies when you're happy from the bottom of your heart. That's something I really hadn't known till I met her. Every moment was special, even the silliest events held great importance, random words spoken had deep meanings. Everything was just picture perfect. I was happy, I made everyone happy, most importantly, I made her happy. But like November told me before, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. Those happy days were no exception. They came to an unfortunate end, sadly, by my own hands.

It all began with silly arguments. Initially, I was able to overcome mine as well as her anger. Then, she got into this really irritating habit of telling me how hot or cute a random guy she met was. Had I been my usual self, I'd instantly flip my lid, but I didn't say or do anything because I didn't want to upset her at all. As time passed on and I couldn't take it anymore, I tended to take advice from all the wrong people. I did something so stupid, so shameless and even spooky that I still feel really ashamed of myself when I think of it. People who happened to call themselves my friends at that point of time made me create a fake account on Facebook, upload a hottie's photo as the profile picture and add her. I was stupid enough to do it, and she knew me so well that she caught me in nanoseconds. I started regretting it that moment onward, and I still do.

She didn't talk to me or even reply to the uncountable apologies I sent her. She blocked me on Facebook. I never imagined that she'd take it this seriously. I felt really sick for having done that stupid thing. I gave up after desperate trials to apologize that lasted a week, and another week of total silence. Then, she unblocked me. After reading her reply to a message I sent her, I was disheartened. She said that she wasn't comfortable with me being so obsessed with her and that she wanted me to get her "out of my system" or whatever she meant by that. I couldn't do it back then, and I'll never be able to do it all my life.

That point onward, nothing was like it used to be before. We never talked properly after that. Even if we did, we always ended up arguing. Then, something really bad happened, and what I mean by "really bad" is something that broke me down so bad that I still haven't pulled myself back together.

After one of those innumerable arguments I always abhorred, I got a message from one of her best friends, a guy. He wrote that they got into a relationship and that it'd be better for her if I backed off. Ever since I met her, losing her has been my worst fear. And at that very moment, I realized my worst fear. I could barely breathe. My head felt really heavy and I felt like it was about to explode. Dejected and angry at myself, I banged my fist on the keyboard, got up from the chair I was sitting on and hurled it at the door. I paced around in my room, stopped in front of the wardrobe and banged my head against it so hard that I fell back in pain. And I cried, as hard as I could.

In those five minutes that my heart bled in excruciating pain, I lost all my energy. I crawled to my desktop and wrote back to that guy. I wished him luck and asked him to always keep her happy. Then, I blocked her on Facebook. Five minutes later, I unblocked her, unable and unwilling to let go of my angel. And to my disappointment, I realized that she was off my friend list because I blocked her. I sent her a message saying that she should have told me earlier. A couple of minutes later, I sent her a friend request asking if we could be "just friends". Silence was all that prevailed.

When I did all this, I was totally out of my mind. I never felt this bad before, I felt hollow. I was confused and depressed. The same God who blessed me with true love, took it away from me. All that I valued and cared about in life, gone forever. Then onward, I was never really happy.

My best friend, who also happened to be on her friend list told me that she put up lyrics of sad songs as her status update. Then, I realized that she wanted that guy to tell me all that, whatever he said was all lies. But why did she do that? I don't remember anything about what happened then onward. Without her, I wasn't living, I was just existing. Life pushed me around, and I never objected. I lived like an addict, I didn't have any clue about what went through my own head. And with failing health, life was all the more depressing. Even being reminded of those days sends shivers up my spine.

After she left, life has never been the same again. And it never will. I've grown pathetically weak - physically and mentally. I hit all time lows at whatever I was the best at. The writer in me was dead. Everything I stood for, everything, just went crashing down. I find it really hard to talk to people at times. I don't seem to hear anything at all. Brightness blinds me. It's depressing, but there's nothing I can do about it. What happened after that, and what's happening now, I really don't wanna get into all that.

For me, life hasn't been anything more than an experiment in making very bad decisions till I met her, and after she left me. Now that I'm sure that nothing's ever going to work out between us and that I don't deserve her, all I want from God is happiness for her. You see, she's a very good girl. She's like the first ray of sunshine after the darkest night. She's like those sweet memories everyone refuses to let go, which make your heart brim with joy. She's like that beautiful smile that even a blind man can see. Her smile, her laughter, her eyes, her hair, I'll never forget as long as there is life in me. Even in deep, deafening silence, I hear her talk non-stop, like she always did. Even when I'm all alone and cold, I feel her hand in mine. Even in the hardest of times, I see her motivate me with that breathtakingly beautiful smile of hers.

Let me remind you, nothing lasts forever. Nothing in this world, atleast. Even the most beautiful thing, most pleasing to the senses, everything that matters, that perfect love, it all comes to a very unfortunate end. And no matter how hard you try, how hard you struggle or complain, nothing changes. Nothing comes back. I still find it hard to believe that she's gone. I desperately tried to fix things, to hold her tight and never let go of her. But you know what, desperation never really pays off. I've grown tired of life. She thinks I'm obsessed with her, she doesn't trust me anymore and probably all her feelings for me have died too. And all that, because of the stupid things that I did. That beautiful angel's departure from my life, that's nothing but what I deserved for not having valued love and understood earlier on in life. That was the punishment I deserved for having been so impatient and possessive about her. Yet again, my dark past and the shadow of my demented self are back to haunt me. When I look around, I don't see a thing. Darkness is all that prevails. It hurts, way more than you can ever imagine. I feel my soul slowly being ripped off my body. No matter how hard I try, I'm unable to fight back this feeling. Sometimes, I just wish to be put out of my misery.

Now, all I am is a man filled with pain and regret. But when I look back in time, there's absolutely no denying the fact that the days I spent with her were, are and will always remain the most beautiful and the most memorable days of my life. Even in her absence, I see her everywhere I go. Every time I close my eyes, I see her smile. I see that she's happy. That's all I want. I want to see her happy with the blessed one who's destined to get all her love and affection. As far as I'm concerned, no one can ever replace her. I'll have to make it through without her. My heart has grown numb, I don't feel a thing. But life moves on, you know. You tend to learn to live with the hurt. And yeah, the wait isn't over yet. It's been more than 8 beautiful months. I'm certain that my love will last, not just for those three lifetimes I promised her, but forever. As each day passes on, the feeling just keeps getting stronger.

And hey, I love you.

Follow Atul Rajan at http://atulrajan9.blogspot.com/